you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
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WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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