There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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