It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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