This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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