She is in my trunk
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
