dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
