She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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