Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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