i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
