i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
