Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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