Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
