Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
