Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
