I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
