How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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