Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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