I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
