I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
