rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
