It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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