Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
