Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
