I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
