Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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