You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
