I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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