yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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