so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
