After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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