you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
