wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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