she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
