I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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