I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
