and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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