VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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