There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
