You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
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