it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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