You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
