Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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