Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
