how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
