Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
