I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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