Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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