I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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