Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize