Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
