Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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