1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
