So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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