His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
