so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
