But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
