I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
