Me too!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
