...so i touched it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
