i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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