I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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