The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
