guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
