I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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