Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
