omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
